"Goodbye, PC, I've met someone."

I'm going to be spending more time at the long end of my L-shaped office desk where my G-5 lives, as I have relinquished my old workhorse PC to Thuyan for her bookkeeping.

'You served me well, dear Compaq 5690,' I thought to myself. A true renaissance computer, capable of vectorizing artwork and embellishing resumes in the same breath. "I'll miss you, old boy," I say as I fight back a tear, "Get over here and give your old man a hug!" Justin and his old computer embrace for what seems like a lifetime, "Now you go on. Git! You know I hate goodbyes!"

I found a song I wrote to the tune of an old oasis track. I lived in Fort Lauderdale for a time, and I had a coworker who has over the years become one of my closest friends. We worked together and used to parody old songs by changing the lyrics to incorporate cheese. Why not? Everyone else was doing it. Fast foward five years later (which was now two years ago!), Erin and I were reminiscing about the ol' days, and in a moment of inspiration, I wrote the following song. Nobody except true oasis fans will know this song anyway.

oasis - It's Gettin' Better (Man!!) or
Nachoasis - We're Eatin' Cheddar (Man!!)*

*Better experienced when sung with a recording
of the original song.

Eat something; what goes great with meat and slice of bread?
Or melted over mums veggies, just a single block keeps me family fed
Me shirt says, "#1 cheese eater" but there's only one kind I can stand
No it's not Nacho or Velveet'r and Monterey Jack is much too bland

You like Baby Swiss cause it's full of holes
Admit that Blue Cheese tastes of toilet bowls
Grab a Ritz wafer and sing along
We're eatin' Cheddar man!

Hey! What was that you said to me?
I caught you smellin' Havarti?
The sight of Queso makes me pee
We're eatin' Cheddar man!
Ricotta cheese is not the rage
You need a hunk of finely aged
On a cracker piled high
We're eatin' Cheddar man!

Eat cheddar, enjoy it with a mate or on your own
I'd show me sis the full monty if I could try it on a waffle cone

So maybe it looks like Mascarpone
A hue that don't match your Provolone
Cheese of the Cottage ain't no home
We're eatin' Cheddar man!

Hey! What was that you said to me?
You say you'd rather try some Brie?
I'll shove a Triscuit in your eye
We're eatin' cheddar man!
Limburger cheese okay to eat?
If you don't mind the taste of feet
Serve it cubed or by the slice
We're eatin' Cheddar man!

We're eatin' Cheddar man!

Hey! What was that you said to me?
A wedge of Colby and hot tea?
No, not Pimiento spread on rye
We're eatin' Cheddar man!
Avoid the Gouda have a heart
Why eat a food that smells of fart?
Sandy Duncan has one eye
We're eatin' Cheddar man!
We're eatin' Cheddar man!
We're eatin' Cheddar man!
We're eatin' Cheddar man!
We're eatin' Cheddar man!

"Thumbsucker’s surface is melancholy, but it’s leavened by mordant humor and a kind of Zen-like fatalism."

Just when I am beginning to think I'm at a point in life where things are starting to make sense, I go and read a movie review for the upcoming 'Thumbsucker' with this sentence: "Thumbsucker's surface is melancholy, but it's leavened by mordant humor and a kind of Zen-like fatalism."

Oh my God.

I'm nearly halfway through with my life and I still can't read a review such as this without scratching my head, looking out of my office window and exclaiming, "I've wasted my life." How many years does one have to sit in a classroom to acquire the necessary skills to describe a low budget indy such as 'Thumbsucker' with such pinache, flair and elitism? Okay, sure, I'm good with melancholy. I read Poe in middle school. Leavened? Heard that word at church a few times. But mordant humor? I don't have time to go to dictionary.com to look up mordant. And the worst part of it all? Not only is it "zen-like fatalism", but it's "a kind of Zen-like fatalism". But which kind? And how many kinds are there?

I stumbled onto this review via some subversive counter-culture media site (I was actually just shopping for a t-shirt featuring G.W. with a Moe Howard haircut), so my guess is the author is probably catering to the extremist-left Berkeley College senior lit major. That's not you either?

Oh, well. A very special thank you to Roger Ebert for keeping it simple with the whole thumb rating system. I know what a thumb is.

So long, Summer...

Well, the summer has come and gone, and I'm sorry to see it go. It was my first summer back in Florida where I didn't have to walk around in fur and plastic. I forgot how great it was down here. I'm really happy to be back.

It was, in my opinion, a great summer for movies. Star Wars ended, Batman began, and the penguins kept things pretty chilled out. I sold my X-Box and started working again (coincidence?). Not to mention, my wife started her own business which is a big success, even if she's only had one day off in 8 weeks.

I'm even more thankful for our good fortune, which feels monumental, in light of the horrific aftermath of the hurricane and consequential flooding of the Gulf Coast. If you can, give money to the Red Cross, which is the most effective contribution, and think about adopting or fostering a pet saved from the disaster by going to the North Shore Animal League America, the largest no-kill pet rescue and adoption organization.

Way off the subject, I had a few hours of free time yesterday, and got inspired to make a music video to The Beatles 'Tomorrow Never Knows'. As a rule, I NEVER put myself in front of the camera (look at that mug for cryin' out loud!). However, there was no one else around when inspiration struck. I only intended to show this to my wife, but she said it was great and I should put it on my website for my friends to see. I think it would make more sense for me just to jump out in front of a truck, at least then no one would be laughing. Click here and have yourself a laugh.